Monday, November 1, 2010

you win some, you lose some

I love nursing my baby. I'm providing for him something that only I can, I'm nourishing him and protecting him with the antibody rich goodness that he receives. For us it feels just right. But I'm not going to lie breastfeeding can be as frustrating as it can be beautiful. 
My little lovey refuses to take a bottle of expressed milk so leaving him is incredibly challenging. Most of the time this really isn't a big issue, he comes with me almost everywhere, but sometimes it just isn't appropriate or it isn't fair to him and his bedtime routine. When it came to my first baby I really didn't leave him a lot. At the time I had lost most of my friends (life changes, moves, marriage) so there weren't a lot of parties or reasons to leave him behind. Cody and I would go on dates every once in awhile but my first born was just fine with taking his bottle...easy. However, in not leaving him much he was incredibly attached to me and he still gets moody when I'm not around to put him to bed...a little annoying for my husband/babysitters.
This time around I had planned on doing things differently. I didn't want to leave Dash all the time, obviously, but I wanted him to be comfortable with other people being involved in his routine. I wanted the liberty to do things - especially with my friends since I am just starting to get some real gems in my life. And well, not taking a bottle kind of pushes that idea out the window. I have a time frame of about 2.5 hours (sometimes it can be pushed to 3, depending on how well he nurses before I leave) and that sounds like a lot of time. But once you start considering travel time and say the duration of a movie or the length of a party things start to get tricky - not to mention being anxious the whole time that he is going to randomly need to eat and having to rush back to do my mama job. 
It's easy to start feeling lonely and isolated. Sometimes I am with my children so much that I have to remind myself how wonderful a life I have and how incredibly grateful I am for it. But that is just the truth, I am grateful. I may have to sit out on some parties or miss out on dates with my husband or sometimes just feel frustrated that someone else is so dependent on my body. So right now I am losing some me time, but I have not lost, not in the least. 
So soon my baby will not need to nurse or have me rock him before sleep. Too soon following that he wont need me to dress him or make him lunch and then I know when the day comes that he doesn't need me much for anything I will wish that he was once again a little baby that needed to be nursed and held by only me. I'm not going to cry over missed events or dates when I have two beautiful children in my possession. I am a mom, this is my life.

1 comment:

  1. oh girl...right there with you.I couldn't of explained my feelings on the subject better
    Adoration refuses a bottle too which is really hard at times but then I try to remember how fleeting this time is.